It’s been almost a year since the breakdown, she was passive and smiling to others but not caring about what they think of her. She simply steps over the commentaries and expectations from people who just wanted her to be as usual: an obedient girl with a broad grin on her face.
She was walking on the corner of the pavement, in a suicide distance from the road that brought her from hell “hell is a place called home” she constantly says.
She was near the school, thinking about the taxi driver who had been talking to her with those yellow teeth and with that look, which left her astonish.
She imagined an affair with this man, Maybe he desires her and he could have taken her to an open field and get laid with that stranger in just 10 minutes, enough time to make her forget the ridiculous symphony concert in which she has to take part in, in less than an hour.
Jacqueline ran straight to one of the oldest school building to be alone without feeling the people’s pressure before giving the stupid concert.
She always has this feeling of anger when remembers her mother crying everytime she plays the cello and has to start again very slowly trying not to be out of the tune.
Her mother “Hilary” used to be a wonderful musician, but soon she ceased performing at the age of 30 because of her multiple sclerosis that led her into a mad mood.
So Jacqueline has not other chance but keep playing the cello until her mother’s grief stops.
Jacqueline was aware of her non-sense attitude and her mother’s selfishness; leave her turn Jacqueline’s life into something she didn’t ask for.
Jacqueline entered into one oldie room that seemed perfect to stay and practice her performance. She closed the door and sit in one of the untidy benchs of the empty room
Suddenly, the door belly moved and a beautiful woman with a long black hair appeared. She made a silence signal and hid above the teacher’s desk.
Jacqueline felt confused but intimidated by this pretty-faced girl who looked quite nervous at first.
The door opened again, it was the concierge of the school who was across the line which separates them from one another. He asked for Jane, a girl from preparatory but Jacqueline only smiled and nodded to him and answered she didn’t see anyone milling around the building.
The concierge turned over and get out of the room.
The girl standed up in an attractive way, spreading beauty and sensuality into the dark room with awful walls and uncomfortable seats.
The girl kept her look at Jacqueline’s loving face, which can be easily compared with the one of an younger brother, she stared at her for a while like if she wanted her to say something first. However, the girl talked:
- Can I tell you a secret?
- Yes, you can. Jacqueline said.
- "I can perceive people’s feelings by my left eye and I see to much love and passion into yours"
What do I want? Jackeline asked.
- "You want too much things from life but you don’t know how to start because of your mood. You know the death is not the way but you have no other option.
Eventhought you love being alive and that’s why you still here, suffering and blame everyone"
Jacqueline felt like everyone else had talked for her, and relieved the pain she couldn’t see. Nevertheless she asked one more question before she gets out of that room.
- "What do I want right now?"
- You want me…
Jacqueline arrived 5 minutes before the concert started and was ready.
That night she played the cello with the happiness and emotion that she spreaded from the very inside and the pain was there also but in contrast with the feeling of pleasure that the pretty-faced girl left on her.
Varinia.
